Sunday, January 6, 2013

Roxie’s Testimony

Ephesians 2:8-9 says, “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God--not by works, so that no one can boast.”

It was through this verse that my world came into focus in 2011. As a childless, single, working Christian woman in her thirties, I made myself busy doing what I thought was expected of me. Which meant that I took on as much as I could possibly manage at the church in which I grew up. I sang in a worship team, I led Sunday School singing time, I led the Youth Group, I directed a Christmas program (but was involved in many more prior to that one), I taught Youth Sunday School, I organized the set making/decorating for the church vbs program, I participated in a women’s Bible study, I helped my mom in the church kitchen at multiple events and so the list runs on. I am not saying this to be fact, just looking at the list makes me feel a little ashamed.

The woman I was becoming was one that thought (subconsciously, for the most part) that if I could do just one more thing for God, if I could please Him just a little more He would give me the desires of my matter what the desires of His heart might be for my life. As I found my life less and less easy to manage, I began to see what God was seeing. He did not want me to stand before Him the facade I wore every time I walked through the church doors. He wanted me to just be fall before Him like a reverant subject; to obey His voice like a faithful servant; to crawl on His lap like an trusting child; to seek His presence like a lover thirsty for another moment, another whisper. 

I slowly, often unwillingly, began to let go of a few of my responsibilities at church, fighting guilt, but breathing more freely. It was then that I met the man who became my husband a speedy 4 months later and swept me out of the city into the wilderness where his cattle ranch lies...far away from family, from friends and from church. A beautiful land, but remote. Now my time is spent learning the cattle trade, working in a nearby First Nations health centre and dearly missing being involved in church community. I don’t miss the programs, just the good food (the spiritual kind, mind you) and the fellowship. I do not doubt that this is where God has led me. In fact, it seems as though He groomed me for this very place. Looking back, I shake my head and wonder how I still have the audacity to so frequently doubt God’s provision for me and guidance of me. I still have much to learn and far to grow!

I want to thank you all for allowing me to join this little bit of community that is taking initiative in the pursuit of personal spiritual growth. It is a beautiful thing to know that there are women in the world seeking God’s face just as I used to do and so long to do again. I look forward to reading your thoughts and sharing with you all even from my humble home in the middle of nowhere!


LaughingLady said...

I LOVE that you joined us!! (everyone, Roxie is MY SISTER-IN-LAW!!!!)

You have a beautiful testimony and such an incredibly soft, sensitive heart. You know I think so, but it's cool to read some of your thoughts about it! :)

Miriam said...

Roxie... it IS you!!! I was so hoping it was. I have thought of you often and missed you very much. I'm so glad to "see" you here. Welcome!

Brooke said...

thanks for sharing! :)

TammyIsBlessed said...

Thanks for sharing your heart with us Roxie, we are so excited to welcome you to the Bible blog!! And I'm excited and happy for you, ahead of time, for the work I know God will accomplish in your life because of this step of obedience and seeking Him.

Pamela said...

*waves excitedly!*

Hi Roxie!! Long time, no see...I took a peek at your wedding pictures on Angela's photography blog and your wedding photos were stunning.