This post ended up being a lot more brutally honest than I anticipated. This one is a struggle for me.
Ah Jonah, the reluctant prophet. Truthfully, that's being really nice. There's a few other adjectives that would be just as accurate, though even less flattering. Fearful, selfish, spiteful, proud. He even accuses God of being merciful and compassionate as though it was a liability!
My Life Application Bible says this....
Even when Jonah wasn't physically running away from God, he was still resisting on the inside. He was quite capable of putting on a show of obedience to cover a seething internal mutiny.... He hoped the Ninevites wouldn't listen and was offended and resentful when they did. Jonah suffered under the painful mistake of assuming that he was the center of the universe. (emphasis mine)
Oh friends, it scares me to see some of those same characteristics in myself. I have a pretty high sense of right/wrong, black/white. My conscience speaks to me loud and clear. And I hold others to the same high standard I hold myself to. Add a little judgmentalism in there and that's not a good combo. I can totally see where Jonah was coming from.
He knew that God was merciful and compassionate. He knew that God was so merciful and so compassionate that He would even forgive the pagan, evil Ninevites if they would repent. And he did not want them to.
Do you see yourself in that? I sure see myself in that.
Are there people you hope do not repent so that they get what they have coming to them? Truthfully, I don't feel that way about anybody I know personally. But the really evil people out there? Yup, I admit to feeling that way. Hitler? Stalin? Serial killers? Rapists? Child molesters? I can practically feel my desire for vengeance and judgment coming on just thinking about it. If I'm being painfully and brutally honest, I don't want to see any of those people in heaven. And that is clearly un-biblical and un-Christlike.
It reminds of this excerpt from If God is Good by Randy Alcorn...
Wesley Allan Dodd tortured, molested, and murdered three boys. Dodd was scheduled to become the first US criminal hanged in three decades, shortly after midnight on January 4, 1993. At dinner that evening, both our daughters, then eleven and thirteen, prayed earnestly that Dodd would repent and place his faith in Christ before he died. I agreed with their prayer...but only because I knew I should...
Thirty minutes after Dodd died, the twelve media eyewitnesses recounted the experience. I felt stunned as one of them read Dodd's last words: "I had thought there was no hope and no peace. I was wrong. I have found hope and peace in the Lord Jesus Christ."
Gasps and groans erupted from the gallery, fueled by palpable anger. How dare someone who had committed such heinous crimes claim that he had found hope and peace in Jesus! Did he really think God would let him into Heaven after what he'd done? Shut up and go to Hell, child killer! You won't get off so easy! The idea of God offering grace to Dodd utterly offended the crowd that had come to see justice done.
That's when it hit me in a deep and personal way - I am part of the same human race. I'd imagined the distance between Dodd and me as the difference between the South and North poles. But from God's viewpoint, the distance is negligible. Apart from Christ, I am Dodd. I am Osama bin Laden. I am Hitler. Only by the virtue of Christ can I stand forgiven before a holy God.
This isn't hyperbole; it's biblical truth. Unless we come to grips with the fact that we're of precisely the same stock as Dodd and Stalin and Mao, we'll never get over thinking that we deserve better. Evil done to us will offend us, and having to suffer will outrage us. We'll never appreciate Christ's grace so long as we hold on to the proud illusion that we're better than we are.....
Apart from Christ, we are different from every notorious murderer and ruthless dictator only in degree, not in kind.....
The greater our grasp of our sin and alienation from God, the greater our grasp of God's grace. (emphasis mine)
I am guilty of the same spiteful pride (cloaked in righteous indignation) as Jonah.
I am guilty of considering God's mercy and compassion a liability when it is directed at those I have the nerve to deem unworthy. And yet I cling to it when I ask for forgiveness for my own "lesser" sins.
Hypocrisy is what that's called. Self-righteous would work also.
I need to remember some of my own words about what I've learned about the holiness of God.
Because I don't want to end up like Jonah.
Lord, I know the Sunday School answers. I know how I should pray, believe, feel. But, God I don't want to just cloak my own self-righteousness with rote words and shows of obedience. Grant me a fuller understanding of your holiness - not in regards to the sins of those around me, but to my own sin. Cleanse my heart, O God. And instill in me your boundless mercy and limitless compassion. Your strength is made perfect in our weakness. Lord, glorify Your name. Amen.
Tomorrow's passage: Amos 1-3, Acts 15:22-41
5 comments:
Thanks for your very honest post. Something that I've been thinking a lot about lately - the fact that none of us are better than any other, if we rely just on ourselves and not the grace of God. I've been looking at it from the perspective of someone who wandered away for a while and is so thankful to have been brought back and forgiven. I find that I can't really begrudge another their salvation, having had the realization that without Christ I am no better. My sins may be different, and by the world's standards they may be small(er), but as we've said over and over again throughout the past year and a half, sin is sin. I completely understand the desire to see someone like Mr. Dodd or Ted Bundy pay for their terrible actions, but at the same time I find that my heart recoils at the thought of even them spending eternity in hell because I know that without Christ I deserve the same.
I find I struggle with this almost more in relation to other Christians than with really "BAD" people. The really evil, depraved people I can look on with pity and view them as having never heard of God's love and free gift of salvation, or possibly as being hardened by a difficult life, to the point where self-preservation and gain were the only things that mattered.
But the Christians I know? They should know better, right? I can hold them to a higher standard because they're Christians, right? I can pour out my condemnation on them because they know they should be striving for holiness, exhibiting transformed lives... right?
I so struggle with self-righteousness, and sometimes I fear I am the biggest stumbling block on others' paths. I have a really hard time extending the grace God showed me to my fellow Christians.
I really like your post, Tammy. When bin Laden was killed, I remarked to someone that we too are evil. My friend was offended that I would suggest such a thing but I continue to believe that we are no better than bin Laden or any of the people you mentioned. Thank you for what you've shared.
Our spring concert was the story of Jonah this year and as I watch the story unfold on stage, I do could sympathize with Jonah and his anger that the people of Ninevah experienced forgiveness. But at the same time, hadn't Jonah just been redeemed also from his own mistake? I struggle with forgiveness and I hold on to things that I should let go. I need to be reminded of my own need for forgiveness. Thanks for your post.
Awesome post Tammy. I too feel like you at times because I have been taught to judge on a human scale. It is hard to keep in mind that there is no sliding or grading scale in God's kingdom. Sin is sin, end of story. We are all equal and on the same playing field. No one is better, no one is worse. No amount of good deeds, money, power, or position makes us better than another. I stand beside the most heinous people in history. I'm glad for the wonderful healing power of Christ that frees me from that sin. I can rejoice in that same power that claims victory in the lives of the most despicable criminals. The world becomes a better place as God has triumphed over evil. I have had to learn that vengeance belongs to my God, otherwise; I am not free.
Thank you for writing this and God Bless.
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